January 27th

A and I went to visit my brother, his wife, and their newborn daughter in hospital yesterday. I was urged to hold the baby, declined, but ended up being given it anyway. It looked pretty much like any newborn baby that I’ve seen. A and I got details about how long the mother was in labour, what my brother did to assist, etc – just for future reference….

I spoke to my mother that night:

Mum: So what did you think of the baby.
Me:Yeah, it was okay.
Mum: Okay?! Didn’t it make you feel like you wanted to be holding a baby of your own?
Me: Well…
Mum: Robert!
Me: Well, I’m sorry, but you want me to be honest with you.

As some consolation for my mother making me feel guilty, A said she was asked (when I gave the phone to her) if seeing the baby made her feel especially ‘clucky’. She said no, she rarely finds newborns appealing, and disappointed my mother for the second time that night.

However, my mother was quite pleased that my brother and his wife had given her name to their daughter (as a middle name). Apparently my brother had reasoned (according to my mother) that since I wasn’t planning to have children, and our sister is now incapable of raising a child, this was the only opportunity my parents would have for a grandchild named after one of them.

Well, now there may be another opportunity, but I’m not keen on giving a potential son my dad’s strange Dutch name….